Page 45 - ThePhoenix1986-87

November 6, 19861Western Maryland ColiegelPage 5 6O'Seconds on· CamPus What are the novels you should have read? I .._ .A A lot more Black con- I think people should A Country Such As Catcher In The Rye, Catch 22, Catcher In Rye, Chesa- This by James Webb, Herman Hesse's Sid- The temporary writers read One was Grapes of hartha, The Heart Is peake. such as Alice Johnny or Chicken and the A Lonely Hunter. Walker's The Color Soup with Rice by Wrath. Purple, along with Maurice Sendak. I such writers as Dan- should read The Ac- ielle Steele, Stephen cidental Tourist by King and Sidney Anne Tyler. Sheldon. Kim Bechtel Kristin Albert Kim Tucker Carol Boore Nancy Boore Once upon a time in the land of Hatch These were called upon to fill the but less well trained than the continued from page 4 confirmed my results in the Hatch. "Yes, sire," Advil replied. And slots of any who became injured army of Hatch, it was none-the- "ganging up on us." But his entrails of a May-born goose, and the preparations began. or ill. Quickly, the army grew to less and awe-inspiring sight. anger soon abated and was reconfirmed it with another. The August the twenty-first was its proper size. And that, as things went, was replaced . by a sense of forces arrayed against you are In the meanwhile, Hatch put the rub. As Hatch's army crested opportunity. "We can do it an at great, but there is one path that less than five months away, so his political skills to the test. He the hill two soldiers, near the once." he said to Advil. "One leads to victory. The instructions the operation moved at a initiated a hundred diversions. He back of the trOOP and never Through pace. all the battle will settle this whole are difficult, indeed, but if you breakneck the call went out--"Hatch sent letters by courier, and having been in combat before, empire affair." follow them. your success is needs red-haired men." And with conflicting messages by diplomat; were overcome with fear at the Like a wen lubricated assured. Here is what you must He sent secret agents to spread sight of the opposing force. in the air, there machine, the Hatch-Advil team do. the aura of victory of response: By rumor and truth in equal measure. Panic-stricken, they ducked into was no shortage swung into action. Hatch sent "You MUST enter into battle the hundreds. red-topped humans He made speeches in which he the bushes near the side of the out the preliminary with the forces of XOR within flowed into the capital to proposed solutions; he made road and ran off it the opposite proclamations; Advil called for ten minutes of high noon on volunteer. speeches in which he brushed all direction just as the leading edges the weather report, and gave orders Tuesday, August the twenty-first. Hatch and Advil worked day solutions aside. He delayed and of the two armies met. that his crystal ball be washed and It must be this day. It must be encouraged. he enticed and So Hatch went into battle polished. Within a week the this time. There is no other way and night to insure compliance the threatened. In short, he brought with only nine thousand, nine the instructions. First, with effort was well under way. to win. things to a proper boil. hundred and ninety-eight men. But this was an unusaul event- "Your army MUST number men were checked carefully by a In the last three months Hatch His skill. as it turned out, was to the largest campaign that Hatch exactly ten thousand men-no physician to insure that the hair trained and drilled his army. The no avail. His army was utterly had ever undertaken. All would more. no less. Every man in this was of its natural color. Next, provisions tax had been easily defeated; he himself was killed in appeared ride on one throw of the dice. army MUST have red hair-cit each soldier of the Court. before a accepted by the people--in fact it a futile, but heroic charge, his At this Magistrate The army would have to be of must be naturally red, and every was almost popular--and so the lineage was ended, and his empire was prodigious size; the provisions' man MUST be named Hatch." point the soldier's name Even army was well supplied with arms returned to its former pastoral legally changed to "Hatch." tax correspondingly large; the "Hatch!" said Hatch. "I can those whose names were already and food: They were dedicated state. strategy intricate and exhaustive. handle the rest, I think, but where troops who worked hard and they Great failure, like great The omens would have to be clear am I going to find ten thousand Hatch went through this process- soon became a highly polished success, catches our attention, and and the instructions sharp and to- men named Hatch?" "just to be sure," Advil remarked. unit. Expectations were up, and certainly there are morals to be the-point. Thus, it was with a "well..;" Advil began. "Just to be sure." were then morale was high. drawn from the failure of Hatch. soldiers The certain trepidation that Advil came "Wait, ...wait!" cried Hatch. assembled in groups of ten and And so it came to pass, at "Be wary of the intoxications of to report his findings to Hatch. "Do these soldiers have to have assigned to units. These were II :59 on the morning of August greed," comes immediatley to ~I have spent three nights in been BORN Hatch? Can we take twenty-first, that the army of the mind, of course, as the thought the field" he said. "I have people who aren't Hatch and grouped together in tens to form Empire of Hatch marched over the that one should never bet the these further divisions, and listened to six million cricket change their names?" grouped together in tens to form top of a hill into its last battle, It kingdom on the advice of a single shirps and correlated them "Precisley," Advilreplied. "As regiments and so OR. This marched ten thousand strong, advisor. But foremost of the precisely. I have sampled the dew I was about to say, I've checked exactly. each a red haired min lessons to be learned from the of three dawns, and found their this point most carefully, and it's method allowed an accurate count named Hatch, Arrayed against it story of the great king is this-- patterns to be identical. I have definitely proper to use naturalized to be easily maintained. Extra qn the surrounding plain was the you should never" ever, counts peered for sixteen bours into the soldiers were recruited and atrh~··l"lt "'XOR:" "Slightly larger, -·~yourHalthes bet"btt tI1eyc!l1iekerf. ' 'in I reserve:' processed -by 'held' aepths·:of my crystal ball; I have ~~~~~~ wete· fn bdslness,;'·said·