Page 14 - ThePhoenix1982-83

_Opi_nio,;-,- ~~~~~ __ Bang! ... "Bang1 Your're dead," by-slanders." "No I'm not." "Well then, what are you "Sure you are," talking' about7~' "How could I be dead if I'm ''I'm merely citing the ramifi- still talking to YOu?" cations. The players of the "It's only a matter of time," game need playing pieces. "Matter of time? I'm not We've been selected." even wounded." "You mean...7" ''That's what you think." "Precisely. That invisible "O.K., suppose I am gun at 'your' temple is as real wounded. How is it that this as the one at mine." happened?" "Well, suppose we're win- 'Tne gun of course." ning this game." "What gun? You're not hold- la~::? My, aren't .we plural L- _ ing a gun." "That is true. But -then, I "What do you mean?" never said I was responsible," "I hate to tell you this, but M.O.O. comes through In '92 "Well.. then where is the I'm not on your team." gun?" "But you have to be. That "At your temple." invisible gun is pointed at Leapin' lizards! Have 'you WMC will be resurrected as "There's no gun at my tem- your head too, and besides, heard the news? It has just pie. " you seem like a nice guy." been announced by the My- R.U. Disgruntled a pay lV-satellite station and "Sure there is. You just "I thank you for the compli- epic Outlook Organization be given exclusive coverage don't see it." ment, but I'm afraid we have (MOO) that WMC will play since the animals will have of the 1992 games. In addi- "You must be seeing to be enemies." host to the 1992" Olympic more room to run (then again, tion, DART majors who will be things." "But if we both have guns Games. Mr. Ding-a-ling, ot- so did the Christians). Other operating the station, will be vital facilities of the complex able to partially defray the "t-arn." at our heads, and we're not rector of physical relations "Are you crazy?!" on the same team... who is and spokesperson for the will include a one-hundred cost of the new megagopolis "Are you blind?" winning~" group, indicated that WMC meter ski jump erected on by offering provocative late- "Certainly not. What are you "Nobody." was unanimously chosen for Suicide Hill, a bobsled course night a~ult entertainment (ac- trying to get at?" "Then why are we playing this honor after the Olympic around .the periphery of cam- tresses provided by the "The truth... I hope." the game?" Committee was informed of pus and conversion of Smo- newly-formed sorority, Sigma key Bear Stadium into the Lambda Upsilon Tau-·SLUT). "The truth?" .. 'We're' not, remember?" the construction of our new "Yes. You see, it's all a "Oh, yes." . gymnasium. This, he felt, re- Westminster Memorial Metro- In conclusion. the altruistic game," ~ "80 is the gun clearer assured the committee of the dome. administration must certainly "Oh, I get it, you've just now?" colleges long-standing com- In 1992, visiting athletes will be exalted with a showering been kidding around." "Why yes, it is." mitment to a perlect balance be housed between the volu- of praise for their extremely "Oh, no. I was serious. The "Good - Bangl You're between athletics and educa- minous stacks in the I.M. good foresight in attempting game I'm speaking of is dead." tion. Bulging Memorial Library. to maintain a well-balanced being played by someone, "You're right." Of course, the new gy", will And if any additional space is academic and athletic envi- somewhere else. 'We're only merely be a highlight of the needed, references published - ronment for all students. And before 1975 will be removed, we see, do we not, that future, multl-bilfion dollar thus providing space for at despite nominal costs, our sports complex. Modelled least ten additional athletes. administrators have brought after Superman's Fortress of The 15 remaining books our renowned institution one Solitude (no connection, you should be perfectly adequate step closer to this ultimate realize, with the recent escort for student research, accord- goal. _And after all, what's a The policy in the women's dorms), ing to head librarian Will U. feY{ billion between friends? the new arena will be lavishly Graduate. embellished with liquor Phoenix week's The Phoenix), Turkish rooms, snake bar (see last baths and massage parlors, When asked about the seem- ingly hefty price-tag of $3,- 018,486,672 Mr. Ding-a-ling (an athletic supporter himself) Editor Robert Holt emphasized that this acropo- Managing Editor... .. Teresa Norman lis will be well worth the cost major since two it solves News Editors David Bogdanski, problems on campus. First, it John Palmer wilt be equipped with disco Features Editor Steven Rossman dance floor thus alleviating Sports Editor Bruce Mable the question of where to hold Photo Editor Steve Brady future punk-rock mixers, and Photo Lab Tech Martin Schulman, second, it most definately Dan Gilmore serves as one of the most Ad Artists Cindy Wilcox innovative excuses our peers Copy Editor Greg Elba have ever come up with con- BUSinessManager .Deb Armsworthy cerning why our tuition parent- ally leaps to unprecedented heights. Each problem there- fore will be solved at a bar- gain price of $1,509,243,3361 Published by and for the students of Western Maryland College While the new complex will The opinions expressed in this publication do not necessarily support all indoor intercolle- reflect those of the staff or administration. giate activities, the former We welcome comments and/or suggestions. Please address all gym will serve as a form of mail to' The Phoenix, Box 1, Western Maryland College. Iow-cost boarding for all types Westminster, Md. 21157. of fraternity pets and also give them a sporting chance of survival during hell week