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December 14, 197(} The Gold Bug Page9 DOUBLE TALK heagy/Is College endorses government policy sportshop small number of trees back campus with the 16 w. main st. Yesterday, the College disclosed endorsement of pretense of preparing a series of new practice westminster, md. an Official Government Policy which has been in fields. Very little negative reaction was voiced, and the offing for sometime. That is, the National , .the government was heartened by some positive action. One college member was overheard saying' President's Proclamation of "The War Against that he somehow felt a little safer walking back Nature." According to reliable sources, this move .full line of sporting goods has been under consideration by the national campus. Assured by the response, the government government for a considerable amount of time, but turned .to less obvious tactics in combatting then the the government was waiting for completion of trees. In the second of the trail tests, they infested conclusive data and adequate consideration of TRIPLE FABRI(; public opinion until putting the police action into the bottom of the McDaniel evergreen with a colony full force. ' of fast-multiplying termites, and waited, expecting However, in the tree to topple in about six months. Research into the area exposes a number of NOTIONS DOMESTICS, reasons why government and local "officials feel the rages of a December wind, the tree toppled. immediate action is necessary. Primarily, it has Unexpectedly, the anti-nature government forces had stumbled upon a means of having nature defeat been found that' nature is the major force opposed itself. An occasional tear dropped from sen- against the advancement of mankind and his timental eyes viewing the fallen tree, but there civilization. Several conspiracies of nature against DRAPERY FABRICS DRESS FABRICS, man were cited by the government Commission on were no signs of student protest. Natural Disobedience to justify the statement: With this, the government felt that the nation was a. Snow falls to block the nation's transportation ready to receive and accept its War Against Nature mOil & fri-9 10 9 lues, wed, thurs, sal-9 to 5 routes, the spinal cord of our commerce; Policy. It released its statement yesterday and the 30 w. mail! westminster ptume 848-0955 b. Natural electrical discharges blast intricate actual undertaking of the first phase (tree ex- national electricity and communications com- termination) of the national defense began today as plexes without a sign of compassion or regret; the bulldozers and ground movers rolled onto c. Foliage tends to grow at an uncontrollable rate, fairways and parks across the nation this morning. DAVIDS JEWELERS setting back any construction or aesthetic advances At the end of the day, a government agency considerably- i.e. - the nation has to spend an released an encouraging notice that in most areas wmc college rings gifts approximate 35.2 billion dollars to keep its lawns tree removal was unhampered. However, in some panasonic expert cut and its shrubbery trimmed; . areas, nature attacked with inclement weather and d. Rivers flood and overflow, destroying the halted government advances. In the same report, it balance of the delicately controlled national land- was stated that when they had undertaken the keepsake use appropriations. project, they did not realize the immensity of it, but diamonds the potio_if), These were merely preliminary findings of the the government intends to persevere and predicts a government commission, and were felt to be victory against the natural forces which are set 19 East· Westmlnste,'A. controllable by slight increases of government against mankind . Maryland imposed restrictions. However, when the com- Also, the government gave a brief outline of the Main Street mission exposed a natural conspiracy that involved next two steps of the defensive action: underground land movement, aimed at wiping half a. After the trees are down, water and wind of the West Coast out of existence, the government erosion will defeat the advance of grass; felt it was time for immediate action. b. After the grass is gone, the government will be Once resolved to take action against the sub- able to proceed at its leisure and combat with ease versive forces of nature, the government en- any other natural forces which may pose a threat to countered the problem of where to begin. After mankind. intensive research, it was decided that trees were In conclusion, the government report urged the the backbone of the natural movement, considering citizens of the nation to support the government in they were the most prolific troop force that was their action against nature's subversive forces. easily accessible. So with that assertion, the Suggestions are: government resolved to wipe out, or at least force a. Do not support nature in any way-t.e. - buy phone 848-5_860 into a minority status, the tree population. aluminum Christmas trees; However, another stumbling block presented b. Report any trees that appear to be peculiarly itself: public opinion. Being honestly concerned active (Call 1-301-848-3092); with how the public would be affected, the govern- c. Anyone who wishes to enlist in the govern- ment resolved to test areas of the country and get a ment's forces is invited. However, they should be sampling of how the people would react. This is warned that it is a dangerous task. PLAZA MUSIC when the Western Maryland College campus came The Gold Bug heartily endorses the actions of the on the scene. College, thereby the nation, in their struggle &TV One day in November a group of C.I.A. un- against nature. In other words, we feel that all dercover agents disguised as maintenance men and citizens should unite and "Kill a Tree for librarians, with consent Ofthe college, cut down a Democracy!' , Student government alive and kicking 8·traek lUES:, DEC. 15 tape 4 99 By William Camdee The Student Regulations Committee gave its At the S.G.A. meeting held November 30 the position on the open housing issue. The current Treasurer reported that there was $1800 in the proposal calls for sectional autonomy within cer- concert fund and of this $1,200has been reallocated tain time limits. These hours are from noon until to other functions. the closing of the women's dorm every day of the The Buildings and Grounds Committee reported week. Parental permission will still be required for BUY ANY FOUR that Colonel Willis answered several proposals that women who want to use the key system. The reason were put to him. The free intercampus telephone for this compromise is the regard for financial GET ONE FREE system has been approved and will be installed sources such as the Alumni Association and parents over Christmas vacation. The concept of a student who would oppose open house on a 24 hour basis. managed grill was approved under the condition The proposal will now go to president Ensor for his that students come up with a workable plan for its approval. management. Several interested students will Under New Business the Action Committee shop all day till 9 p.m, discuss the matter with Mrs. Coffey. The reason the submitted seven proposals for the improvement of trees were cut down around the soccer field is to S.G.A. Among these were ideas for the creation of . make room for two new athletic fields. The even- committees to work with the long range planning tual plan is to have a field for each sport and a committee and the Alumni Association .. practice field. The administration is also in favor of ESHELMAN'S having an ice machine-on campus as well as more vending machines in the women's dorms. The SHOES money that goes into the jukebox in the grill goes, partly, to the financial aid fund. . The WMC Concert Band presents Beethoven's ,The Finest in Footwear Birthday Concert Tuesday, December 15, at The Cafeteria Committee announced that a 23 EAST MAIN ST. questionnaire will be circulated concerning the 7 P.M. in Alumni Hall. Admitance is FREE!- desirability of certain meals. WESTM!NSTER, MD. The Academic Affairs Committee reported that a new evaluation of professors and courses was being Phone 848-3606 developed. .