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All that fascinating stuff one can find on the Internet.
College Kid thinks everyone should hear all the
enlightening things he reads about.
So he casually slips them into every conversation,
or brings them up pointlessly in class discussions.

"Wow, he must be smart."
"He knows about stuff that I've never even heard of!"
Professor politely nods and says,
"Yeah, uh-huh, Anyway ..."

College Kid is a musician.

He can play four whole chords on the acoustic guitar.
Which is enough to play almost every punk-folk song he knows.
After all, only people like College Kid know what "real music" is.
That's why College Kid loves sharing his favorite music with the world.
So he strums his four chords,
and sings his indie songs
outside, perhaps shirtless and under a tree, so everyone can hear him
when the weather gets nice in the springtime.

College Kid is an alcohol connoisseur.

He knows just about everything there is to know about liquor.
And of course he would;
he had his first drink a whole year ago.
So yeah, College Kid knows all the best drinks
and which ones taste like piss.
He also smokes like a chimney.
Damn it's cool, but he admits it's bad for him.
Can't help himself though, he's always loved cigarettes
ever since he started smoking last week.

College is really stylish.

He never shops at Wal-Mart,
or Target,
or Kohls,

24 I contrast