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"Well...I'm sorry to have disappointed you:' I said, fully mean-
ing it. I felt a little choked up myself-it's not fun to see a woman cry
over a lost lover, especially not when your substantially smaller genitals
are the very thing that reminds her of said lover. "But, on the bright side,
at least I enjoyed it!"

She scowled at me.

"Oh, good for you!" She said. "Little Baby-Dick McCallister
enjoyed tossing his hot dog down my hallway. Good for you, Billy. I'm
so happy for you!" She was in full on, crazy-lady crying mode.

"Well:' I said, still trying in my misguided attempt to cheer
her up, "at least I'm not a virgin anymore!"

She scowled at me again, muttered at me to get out before she
called the cops to tell them that I had raped her. I picked up whatever
clothes of mine I could find and left the room. I closed the door behind
me. As I walked down the hall to the bathroom, I heard her sobbing
loudly, moaning in beached-whale-song a word that might have been
"Seamus."

I left the party soon after.

I told Seamus a few days later about what had happened
between Mary and I. He didn't resent me for it, nor did he blame me for
taking advantage of the opportunity. Rather, he was proud of me for los-
ing my virginity, and he felt sorry for me that it had to end up the way it
did. Later on we went down to Gino's and picked up some subs. I had a
chicken parmigiana; he had cold cuts. We sat and ate and discussed the
finer points of slam death metal and how it differs from deathcore. It
was a normal night like all the others.

I got home after my meal with Seamus and all I wanted to do
was sulk. I thought back on my experience with Mary, and all I felt I
could do was lament upon the sad state of affairs perpetually occurring
within my pants. I truly did have a baby-dick attached to my crotch. I
thought about how she cried, and how she complained about wanting
to be "filled up:' and I wondered, would I ever be able to fill anyone up?
Mary was satisfied with Seamus, and I doubt that Seamus could even fit
his entire penis inside of her. Mary was dissatisfied with me, and I was
balls-deep inside of her. What could I do?

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