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be tween man and ape. Wi thin moments' you will begin to feel

a natural high not .unli ke th~ kind experienced by opium

addicts. All that'remains is the careful dissection and

transportat'ion o"f,the once noble, 'formerly fierce animal.

,The skin .must;:be removed first and cured quickly, or else

it will'b~come brittle, and you will find yourself unable to

sell ~t to tribal elde~'s or the usual collection of museums

that take interest in such things. The internal organs,

,various meats and 'other humors can be either disposed of

or, with the addition of a little ground cumin and a few

vegetables, condensed into a hearty ste~ to nourish your

f eLl.ow travelers. .

Finally, you are left'with 'the bone of,the ape. Upon

returning' home, ,you can look forward, to painstaking weeks

of applying the necessary bone polishes and lightening ,

creams .t o your new found prize. Brown's produces a wonderful

product that I often use which both polishes and lightens,

b~t ~'m afhaid snobbery and a rigid adherence to tradition

prevents ,it"from being more properly embraced by my peers.

'Nevertheless, it is ultimately up to' you as to your

preference in this regard; all that matters .is that the end

result is a pristine and fearsome addition to one's office

or mantelpiece that will serve as both a trophy to a grand

adventure and'an,invaluable teaching tool~ It is my fondest

desire that this'simple tutorial has, at'the very least,

provided you with a basic' framework within which one may

plan his first journey in'to the world of the vicious but

noble savage apes who mock us with their very presence.

As always, I can be reached either by the mailing

adaress or carrier pigeon coordinates printed in the back of

this periodical should you have any comments or queries.

-M.J.P.