Page 48 - Contrast2009
P. 48
h'o\" to properly"
engage "ih,the h'tln!
',01,a-weal mythic ape
.' l '; .
an educatipnal' essay by prof. magnus j. perricu!um
(origina!ly,pubRshed in the journal of exotic gent!emanly
, PUrst,fits vol. vi, issue~3' 6, :june 6th, 1921.)
n1aX" robinson'
,It is, often I am asked, "Erofessor, how is it you came
into possession of such exquisite ape skeletons, many of
which' adorn the o'rnat e crystal di~play case in your private
study?", and 'time ana time again I find myself explaining
the methods' that allowed such treasures to come into my
pos s'e ssLon. Thusly, I thought it best to collect my thoughts
and, dr awi.nq.upon my myriad exploits, p'rovi.de a singular,
reliable tutorial to be drawn upon by future generations
(and pe,rhaps, if my contemptibly failing memory is any
indication, myself some day not far from now) .
Like any, matter, hunting one of the animal kingdom's
most savage brut~s, is an endeavor that requires a not
insubstantial allotment of gold and a sharp ear for tribal
dialects, Your first step is to ensure the authenticity of
the legend of your prey: Fraudulent stories of enormous apes
are a dime a dozen and it is important to be able to tell
~ the differende between shrouded fact and pure fiction, When
examining a map to your creature's lair, for instance, it
is ke yrt o inspect, paper quality, making sure that it has
the requisite stench of age and the asymmetrically torn
edges that are a trademark of the trade, Toomes' 1869 work',
on the subject, "Case Studies of Allcient World Cartography"
.Ls .perhaps the most well-:r:egar'dedstudy of this aspect and
,is, although perhaps a tad dated, an invaluable read, with
,,iega'rdsto, this subject, ~,
Finaing ,and employing a local youth to carry supplies,
,'perform ri qoz ous manual labor and, of course, amuse the,
members of 'your hunting party with 'song and dance is
a ne ce ssIty for any expedition, This may seem, lik;e an
unnecessary expenditure, but this cheerful fellow will seem
a 'bargain when in the midst of your journey and you find it
isl1{mand' not yourself who has stepped in that p~tch of.'
quicksand or fallen into the inescapable web of that ever-
crafty rapscallion, the ?eruvian Picnic Basket spider,
Indeed, I myself always employ at least tW9 such youths,
lest fate's cruel hand strikes one down and I am left to
make my own meals for the duration of the expedition. It is