Page 25 - Contrast2007

I know that's a lie, but it helps to drown Time seems to slow down. The window

out the voice. gets farther and farther away ...

Even if they do find me, the consequences Ican see that the men have come to the

won't be so bad. So I'll be captured. So what? window, that they're looking down at me,

That, too, is a lie. pointing and shouting angrily.

Some of the water on my face is warmer I can feel the rain .. .it is strange, because

than the rest. Itaste it - tears. So that tight- eventually Ifall at the same rate as the rain.

ness in my chest is not simple fear. So the droplets seem to stand still, while the

The desire pounds at me. I want it. Oh, I world moves around me.

want it but I'm afraid. Afraid it won't work. Wind, rushing past my head. Gravity,

The logical part of my brain tells me, over and pulling me down.

over, that Iwill die if Ichoose to jump, that my Iam no longer afraid.

body will strike the stones or water, but my My choice has been made. Idon't have to

organs will keep going, and my skin will rup- fear. From here on out, there can only be two
ture, as my insides are turned to mush, that outcomes. When the world is so simple, there

only death awaits if Ileave the window. is no reason to fear.

But the rest. .. The wind is so sooth-

No! I try to ignore the voice ing and my mind so at
There is pounding at peace that part of me just

the door. in my head. The voice wants to go to sleep, buf-

Please, please, get dis- feted by the wind. An-

COUragedand go away ... that screams, futnp! other part of me wants to

. But they are nothing laugh at that notion.

If not persistent. Ifall ...

Iam sobbing now, torn up inside by this Wake up.
decision Ihave to make. Die or face them. Die I twist in the air, turning so that I now
or face them or ...
face down. The cliffs and the sea approach
There is no third option, dammit! Forget,
f?r the last time, cease these ridiculous [anta- with alarming rapidity.
stes! Now there is a brief twinge of fear. Can

I still do it? After all this time, is it even pos-

My left foot comes up to the window, sible?
and I crouch, balanced precariously over a Only one way to find out. If 1can't, then
thousand foot drop to rocks and the sea.
I'm dead, and they were right - there is no
No, no, the dream is dead, it is gone,
you can't, you mustn't, you know the lie, more. If Ican ...
please ...
Simple.
The door opens. Iclose my eyes, take a deep breath ...
Too late. Choose.
Death. Snap.
Slavery. There is a thunderous snap, and the mus-
Or..
Istand, slowly, and turn just enough so I cles of my chest and back scre~ with pain, a
can see them.
They've stopped. They seem confused. white flash of sensation that brings me fully
The leader starts to talk. I don't hear him.
Istand. to my senses. I realize my error and struggle

to adjust. It is re~ar~ab~y easy .... 1make a ~ew

Jw.uombpb,ilnesg, but it IS mstmctual, like walkmg,
runnm' g .. , even after a11thiss ttiime, 1

can still do it.

I can fly· .d .
1 start to cry again, b~t not ~om m eci-

Istand. sian. No, from joy. Sheer, SImple JOY·
I let go.

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