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EUREKA
All college students have suffered the showers, like everything else, should be taken
~gonies of that old American college institu- with moderation.
tion, the English theme. 'Since I have had some
~uccess in writing these so called "evalua- After my shower I get into my literary
ti ons of one's ability to express one's self pajamas, the ones with scenes from Peyton
clearly", I have been asked by some friends Place and The Topic of Cancer hand painted
to divulge the secret of my success. on them. Mood music is always helpful. I
usually play my recording of Joan Baezsing-
I have found that I must be in the right ing Outer Mongolian folk songs. Then I hang
mood to write a theme. To create the proper my literary painting of Henry Miller contem-
mood takes a great deal of time and effort, but plating the bust of Elizabeth Taylor above my
it is usually worth the trouble. I set the night desk. Finally I get my well preserved pen that
before the theme is to be handed.i n aside for belonged to the Marquis de Sa de out ofstor-
the sole purpose of writing my masterpiece. age. Now I am ready to begin my task.
The hardest part of writing a theme is After sitting at my desk for an hour, I find
thinking up something to say about the e arth- that I have not written a word on my paper.
shakin'g topics that are assigned. I ha ve dis- This problem is easily sol ved by writing the
covered that a hot shower helps my concen- Declaration of Independence in ancient As-
tration a great deal. A great idea for a theme syrian cuneiform script. I use the Declaration
came to me while I was in the shower a few of Independence because it is just about the
weeks ago and I became so excited L just had right length to .sarisfy those ,instructors ~ho
to tell the world. You can just imagine Doctor judge a theme by its length. SInce ~y En glish
Ensor's consternation at seeing a nude fresh- instructor does not understand an ci ent Assyr-
man flit by his house screaming "Eureka" at ian cuneiform script, and since he likes to
the top of his lungs. Needless to say hot appear as intelligent as his students, he gives
me an A.
Dave Hamill
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