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How Not To Study!

STEPHEN B. DULIN

T H~ FIRST thing you must learn when embarking upon an educa-
non is how to study. The following is how not to study.
Gather all the material you're interested in and head for the
student center. Be sure not to take the subject matter you dislike.
For instance, if you dislike biology and history, leave the stinkin' old
books in your room. After all, if the author doesn't write anything
t~at pleases you, why should you bother to please him by reading

hIS glyphics?
Now that you're at the student center, take your books upstairs

to the student lounge. You don't have to worry if you need help,
because good 01' Joe is in the next room playing ping-pong, and he's
a whiz at algebra. It's nice and quiet in the lounge and no one will
disturb you. Put your books 'on the table without any light. You
want this because very little light makes your eyes feel relaxed and
restful. Next, there should be the softest couch in the place so that
you may rest your weary bones while you study. Even the best of
scholars can't concentrate while they're tense.

Now that you're slouching in a nice soft couch with a mellow
light coming from across the room, you're determined to do a good
three hours of studies. But wait a minute, you're thirsty! That's
wrong! You know you can't study and have a craving for something
to drink at the same time, so you go downstairs to the grill. After
~1I, it's only going to take five minutes after you get your coke, drink
It, and have your nose in those books again. You put a dime in the
coke machine, and out comes the solution to your problem. You
open the coke and drink its contents; that puts an end to your crav-
ing. Now you can really get to work and do 2 hours and 55 minutes
of studies. But just as you start up the steps, in comes Mary Lou
Smith, your best girl. Of course she's with someone else, but she's
still your best girl, and you've just got to dance to your song. Your
~nd Mary Lou's song. Everybody has played it at least twice, but
It's still your song. You put a quarter in the juke box. Hmm, three
plays for a quarter; might as well make the best of it. So you dance
fifteen wonderful minutes away. You want to dance another fifteen,
but Mary Lou's protege has to get going, and he's the only person
that can give her a lift back to the girls' dorm. All for the best, be-
cause you have two hours and forty minutes of tough studies to do.

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