Page 28 - Contrast1958Winterv2n1

would be much less embarrassing if I at last outgrew the stage. I sat
down, and with little success, tried to solve my problem. I did make
a little progress in that I decided that it was idiotic not to believe in
some sort of God. Even though the earth may not have been made
in seven days, there had to be a beginning of everything somewhere,
and it was just as easy to call the beginning "God" as anything else.
N ow I felt myself free to choose the religion I liked best. The big
problem was that I did not have many feelings for or against anyone
of them. Naturally, I considered the fact that it would be better, for
convenience sake, to be a Christian. However, I wanted to be sure
to select the true religion so I wouldn't be left in the lurch after I
died. I decided that I would feel awfully silly if I planned to go to
heaven and sit with all the saints after I died, only to find that the
ancient Egyptians, for example, had the correct belief when it came
to religion. After my spending a few days in deep thought, as my
family became increasingly amused, I concluded that the idea of
"getting religion" was not worth the trouble and consequently drop-
ped the subject. I resolved to keep my beliefs, or lack of belief, to my-
self during school so as not to disturb the sisters. I kept this resolu-
tion too well it seems, since a few of the sisters were very surprised
to discover that I was not Catholic. They discovered this when I re-
fused to sing the chants during High Mass. I decided that it was very
risky to say things in Latin, a language unknown to me, since I would
not know if I had made any vague promises or unwittingly chanted
out my undying allegiance and love.

As soon as it was known that I was not Catholic, the situation
regressed from bad to worse. There was one particular sister, my
favorite, who decided to take me under her black-robed wing and
discover exactly what my problem was. She knew that I had a prob-
lem by studying my face during religious discussions. When she told
me this I was very surprised since I had purposely practiced an ex-
pression of blind faith for the benefit of the sisters. Apparently I had
not been blind enough, because she was not to be fooled. Though I
grew to love the sister dearly, and though I admired and envied her
great faith from the beginning, I couldn't help feeling sorry that she
had joined the convent. She was such a pretty young person. She was
small and thin, though one could tell this only by looking at her
hands, which in a certain light seemed almost to have no skin. The
outlines of the bones and joints were clearly visible. Her hands were
made for praying. Sister Bernice's eyes seemed to cover a great part
of her small pointed face. They were dark brown, and seemed to