Page 15 - Contrast1988Spring

"... and she had this razor blade named Harry she kept
for when she got severely depressed, you know?" Joan took a
long drag from a short cigarette, closed her eyes, and blew out
a swirling column of smoke right in my face. "Like, she'd
always, just pull some wino off the street and go to bed with
him, you know, and this one time, she freaked out, you
know, thought she was pregnant, and, like, I caught her just

In time one day ... "
"She tried to kill herself?" I sputtered through the water

I.barely manage to swallow. Joan's stories got better all the
ume, "And you came to her rescue," I mused, watching her
maneuver her fork through the lump of food that was her
lunch--gravy puddling all over mashed potatoes and smashed
peas and something sinister and tornatoey-all uneaten but for a
few crackers and some water. I found the irony of Joan taking
care of a roommate more unstable than her to be strangely

amusing.
"Yeah! Like, that's why I moved out, you know?" She

twisted her Marlboro into the little foil ashtray with a

vengence.
By this time, the lovely conglomeration of food on

Joan's plate was a jumble of colors and textures oozing and
blending together. "Like it?" she asked, pointing to the mess.

"I think I'll call it 'Glar,' whaddya think?"
I choked on my water this time and Joan convulsed in

giggles. "Very paisley," I said, trying to regain my
composure, "and very gross," solemnly placing a paper
napkin over it. "Don't get butterscotch pudding next time,
okay?" Joan just flipped her long brown hair over her
shoulder and pushed the tray away, looking disinterestedly out

the windows at people going by.
"Fine, if you don't like it," she said, lighting another

cigarette. Her hands shook. Her thumbs were hooked
through holes she had ripped in each cuff of her black sweater.
She absently brushed ashes off her long black velvet skirt and
leaned back in her chair in an air of sophistication. "You
know," she said, swinging her black-shoed feet, "this school
really lacks, I don't know, a sense of, uh, where it's at." She

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