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Confession

Ben Azat

I’ll be honest, I’m not that smart. I’m positive that the only
reason that I got into this school with a scholarship was because
I was one of the few people who didn’t spend high school acting
intentionally stupid because I thought those years were supposed
to be “the best of our lives.”
Anyway, I’m not studious and I don’t understand the major-
ity of my assigned readings. A lot of the time, I don’t even do
the assigned readings. In this, I have discovered an art at which
I am now quite adept. I began seriously honing my bullshitting
skills in college, after dabbling in bullshit during high school.
I’m a college senior now, majoring English. I would say that I’m
pursuing a minor in Bullshit, but I’m afraid the joke would insult
my real minor.
You may be thinking, what is bullshit? Well, I think ev-
eryone knows what bullshit is in the figurative sense. When
someone calls “bullshit” they mean that something that is being
paraded as truth is actually completely false. So the better ques-
tion might be, what does it mean to bullshit? How is “bullshit” a
verb? I think most college students could answer this question,
but I will be the one to do it. After all, I am a veteran bullshitter.
I’d even say that I’ve perfected the art of bullshitting.
Here’s some proof. Bullshitting a classmate usually goes
like this:

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