Page 12 - Contrast1984v26

I could just simply attach someone else's name onto mine, and
then where do I go? I'll become his wife and bake his bread and
make his brownies and sew his curtains and be his whore and keep
his medicine cabinet well stocked and shrivel up and die die die.
We have such little room to step; such little room to breathe ...
something old, something new--oh, can I borrow something? ..I
guess the feelings were quite clear, I didn't want to become
my mother ... something blue ... I would rather be a wife to my
husband then to my house. I realize that marriage isn't all
lounging around together on Sunday afternoons, no purpose gifts,
or you are the peaches and he is the cream--but I am just afraid
of turning into a can of Easy-Off ...do I need more blush? ..I
thought that I wanted to be an actress--yes, of all things--
because it was the only thing that I could really do. All of
those People's lives--it was so easy to choose any character and
simply fall into that life. It was so easy to memorize their
words until they become your own. If I ever felt uncomfortable
at a party or something I could just slip into someone other
than myself. I could be anyone. And then I guess that I wanted
it all too much--so I stopped wanting it at all could you help
with this dress? There is so much of it. Thanks I mean I am
liquid and if I am not poured into something solid I'll run all
over the floor ...is it on straight? Good ... I don't think that I
could blindly pledge my life to another human being. It really
is escapism--depending too heavily on another other than yourself--
that's frightening! ...oh, just a little nervous. Well, what do yOU
think? No, just a little--I do.

Lo4i McCoy