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SURPRISE

Marianne Shears

It is surprising how far we will go to protect our inner selves.
This is particularly true in our relationships with those who are very
close to us.

We have been taught that the best rule for getting along with
others is some approximation of the Golden Rule. Nevertheless, there
is always the conflict between the "best" for ourselves and the Best.
This conflict is particularly strong when it is a question of our reputa-
tion or when our personal merit is threatened. Whatever the cause
for the conflict there is little question of inaction.

Although we know we may hurt a friend so that our intimacy
will shrink and always be stunted we lash out at their most treasured
ideas to forestall an attack on our own. Nothing is so sacred that we
can not attack it in some way. Sometimes we shout and draw on our
most virulent vocabulary, whether profane or erudite, to give our
hate and scorn voice. Shouting is a method which has the sublety
of a caveman's club and may bring about the same effects, returned
blows and the risk of being beaten.

Ah, but the double-edged stiletto of silence and scorn can do ir-
reparable harm. Perhaps the nicest thing about the silent treatment
is the little opportunity for defense. We can sheathe our noiseless
weapon and wear the cloak of innocence. We can stand in the door-
way and sneer at those who do not flatter our conception of ourself.
That they do not see our true worth only testifies to their poor taste
and judgment. No word is necessary to show our opinion of them
and we walk the length of the hall with renewed faith in ourselves.
Out in the sun we walk, reassured of our high merit.

But it does not really matter which method we use; the important
thing is that we have retained our position. We are still safe. We
are still the best.

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