Page 2 - ThePhoenix1983-84

Opinion»------- Campus improved Sex questions answered' d d P hones nee e Chris Beyers' moves at all. She just lies me he has herpes. How can I be sure? Instead of my regular col- around with her mouth open. A. Aside from a medical feminist and sexologist Dr. A. Your girl is dead. Have Greg Elba for living in the sections. urnn, I have invited famed Your comment? examination, you can't be As one strolls around the On a more seriousnote, the Brunhilde Sheiser (SA. MD, her embalmed and buri~di tsourea'sJh~i~~S~fth~~9I:~Sd~ni~ campus, he/she can see phone situation is appalling PhD,STB.and BFD)to take a Geez, why do Thurber an some of the improvements This summer the student few questions from out, studio get all the weirdos? gives it to you, find out where made during the summer. The body received letters stating audience. Dr. Sheiser is re- Q. What do I do if my ~e lives and kill him. new parking lot in the back of that phone jacks would be nowned for her perception boyfriend asks to try some- Q. My boyfriend has a prob- ANW was badly needed, the installed when we returned in and sensitivity to issues re- thing different? lem with premature ejacula- new multi-purpose 'physical September. An obvious un- garding the personal sex lives A. Say "What are you a tlon. How can I help him? education facility (for you iltit- truth, the fact is the phone of other people. freak?" Then say if he sug- A. Whenever it happens, erates-the new gym) is com- company has informed the Q. My boyfriend is a sweet gests something you'll vomit. yell and scream at him and ing along nicely. Several new- Phoenix that the administra- guy, but he is much too If he does an'('Nay, stick your throw him out of the room. lounges have been installed tion was too slow in request- demanding sexually. How do finger down your throat and Tell all your friends and put it with nice new furniture, and ing the work, now it may not I tactfully say no? show him your cookies. If that in the school newspaper. If he the quad has a new rug. be done until next y.ear. This A. A well aimed baseball doesn't dampen his appetite, doesn't shape up, get rid of However, there are a few is especially disconcerting to bat should take that swelling you're in real trouble. him and find a real man. problems. The sidewalk be- sections such as third and down. Turning a baritone into Q. Help! I'm in love with two Q. Is it dangerous to have tween ANW and Daniel Ma- fourth ANW where oneblPhofne soprano is always a good guys at lance! sex with animals? Olea is now sloped' in the is all that is avatla e or way to convince Romeo that A. What the hell does that A. Does your mother know ~~d~~te~r~~ou~a~~le~~in~t~~ _~~roXjmateIY -sixty-two pee- you mean business. have to do with sex? Ask Ann you ask questions like that? the center after every heavy The Phoenix appreciates all Q. My boyfriend doesn't Landers. You are sick. rain. Now the rain collects at the work that was completed seem to be interested in sex Q. My girlfriend never lets Q. A lot of people have each end of the walk, requir- this summer, but the prob- at all. I'm no nymphomaniac, me past first base. admitted to homosexuality A. Obviously she has a i ing even more agility to cross lems listed above truly need but I would like to mess good pick off move and you these days. To what do you the quad. And the new grass some attention. We ask that around once in a while. holds water better than any the Administration alleviate A. Just walk up to the guy are overmatched. If you are ascribe this to? A. I think it has something sponge in existence, Puddle' these problems. and say "Hey, ~al, what's referring to sex, I suggest you to do with the drinking water. Jumping 101 is a prerequisite your problem? Don t you have disregard high school termt- ffi "'" "'" "'" £I> £I> L'rl. L'rl. L'rl. L'rl. $ $ $ $ $ fI:lo.any hormones?" If that nology in the presence of Note: All the situations were ~ W W W W W W W W W :-::doesn't work, give him a Pent- some one with a college edu- made up. Any relationship i Phoenix staff take heed - Monday atjhOUSe, Those wolves always cation, • between them and real situa- : .' go ape over them. Q I would like to do it with tions is coincidental. Really. -14:00 p.m. In the Pub the entire staff willi! Q: My girt never reacts this'man but somebody told .. durlnq sex. In fact, she never ' i meet anyone Interested In any aspectlBacon battle-cry : :of newspaper production. - I The staff will attend! :_A_ of the college will have to be campus. With the Improve- ment in eating habits, come rewritten. They might read as , why the mess hall only serves --~--- follows: "We provide a foun- less partying and more hard work. Students attention span meat for breakfast three times dation of lettuce about carrots a week? It is a question that and beans, so that the stu- improves two-fold. Freshmen has bothered 'll" for days dent may be informed about take to level 400 begin ruffage." The school discrimi- now, t. (or pay penalty of forfeiture of .~~~~~s~~u~~:.~~~~~~~~ courses. The professors can .. I do understand that be- nation policy would have to not keep up with their stu- be altered to read, "Western dents. Sophomores are land- Maryland College admits stu- .. charge of the food allotment dents of any race color, reli- ing executive positions with IBM, APPLE, and other For- : are interested in rationing gion, and - green leafy tune 500 companies. Juniors : tint-born male Child). those foods that appeal to our vegetable preference. are getting into Harvard 1aw :. carnivorous tastes. Quite Could you imagine what meal as well as Hopkins medical ~ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ ~ ~ $ $ ~.~ ~a;;~IYs!n~~~yw~~~t~i~h:;:r pl?Oning will be like. I call schools, and the entire senior 645-menu, and I hear this class is elected into vacant not even able to form the voice, "Yea what's up doc" seats of Congress. word cholesterol, I had some then, "today we're havi'n sea Meanwhile, back at WMC, The Phoenix form of pork 'with my morning kelp fried in squash innards the freshmen are getting rest- meal. with a side order of tomato less, are there no more I suppose those in charge pulp aspic': And for dessert courses left to master. Soon of the food expect me to you have a choice of choco- social unrest prevails and an- Editor Gregory Elfie reconditon myself. Start eat- late covered green pepper or archy reigns supreme. Sud- Associate Editor Chris Beyers ing the tater tot rather than sweet com." the vegetable denly the school's hierarchy the odd sausage link" well I crashes in a wave of vegeta- Eventually Managing Editor .william Mann just don't think it's going to craze would turn into a health ble soup. The college is desti~ News Editor.. . Eric Greenberg work. But suppose their little food kick. The new Maharishi tute. Never again will a Sports Editor Philip Block plan is a success. Will the health food service would be student trod through its sa- Features Editor Laura Kleber deed spread to all three serving tofu tacos and cred halls. Layout Editor Paige Buchter meals? Will Western Maryland sprouts instead of fries. Abso- Then the burning question Copy Editor : ChriSSoto become the first college to lutely no unrefined sugar of is asked, "why". AU because Photography.. . .Dave Dante,·Steve Baily, Beth Austin allow only the eaters of the any kind would be present' in a two-bit newspaper writer Business Manager Peter W. Spartan vegetarian persuasian? what we consume. didn't get bacon for breakfast. Of course if such a thing Advertising Manager Kathy Marvel happens, the first principals This rash of sudden Publishedby and for the studentsof WesternMarylandCollege changes takes ~itstoll all over The opinions expressed in this publicationdo not necessarily Walk For the Hungry· Contact Dr. Talt reflect those 01 the staff or administration. We welcome commentsand/or suggestions.Pleaseaddress al/ October 9, 1983 In the Sociology department mail to The Phoenix, Box 1, Western Maryland College, 1 p.m. for more details. Westminster,Md. 21157.