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around B PM. It1s a strange way to live; that

might make an interesting story, about a couple
who live like that.

3. You're bald. Once you thought tou'd

make a lot of money by finding a. cure for bald-

ness. Your mother-in-law, my great-'grandmother,

told you she had a remedy f.rom the old country

and you tried it on yoursel.f f:ir.st, to see how

it would work. The method involved ptmpkin and

rum. First you baked a p1l1nPkin, the insides of

it, in the ovenarld then you milt~a...rum in with

it and put the stuff a11 over your bald head ~

ho.1d.ing it there with a towel wrapped around

like a turhan~ You s'tayed home .from work for

a week and kept it on all the time, day and

night. Finally ,arOUlld the fifth day, it began

to stink l:ike anything.. ,Aunt Birdie yelled at

you: "Irving! Take i toff! It I S fermenting! II

And yO'll did and there still wasn't a hair on

your head and your money-making dreams were

wrecked a'gain and you smelled ter:r:i.bJ.e besides.

Readers might find that amusing in a story,

especial.ly if I say that your mot.her-i.n-law

made the whole thing up just to see what a je.rk
you were.

4. One thing that really isn' t funny atal1
is tha.t you're paranoid. You didn't speak to

Aunt Birdie for three weeks recently just :be-

cause another man asked her to dance with him

at the seniorcitize,nscenter. I mean, that's

going beyond jealousy_ Even when I was a little

kidl I remember, I I d see you at the .beach ball-

ing men not, to look at Aunt Birdie the wrong

way. You would yell at senile old men, middle-

.aged me.n, :teel:litge boys even. Did you real.ly

thi:nk a guy in his twenties .would find Aunt

Birdie attractive? She must have been fi.fty

even then, and pretty pl'llDp and 'with those buck

teeth , she surely WASnt' the DDst attracti'Ve

.thing on two l.egs. And you're real.ly a hitt:er

man, because you never ~e it. n You say you

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