Page 18 - Contrast1998
P. 18
Black Shoes
Jonathan Renaut
The problem began, and ended as well, since never too experienced to forget being thirteen
it was never really a problem, at least not a
serious one, in the living room, so named I but experienced, old enough to forget that
suppose for tradition, since certainly no more
living was done there than in any other room what was being remembered was being thir-
to justify this name, as the afternoon sun
bounced off the bare white drywall, although teen and not something else.
perhaps only as while as can be imagined
around children where white is an ideal but Jonathan's father--wearing the same emo-
seldom is seen and when seen not for very
long. Jon, at least Jon now, it was Jonathan tionless expression as always that fooled so
then, and still is to family and a few others,
sat in the Brown Chair, its springs sagging and many into believing that the emotions were
the leather cracked and tom but still the throne
of the living room to those who knew and not there when in fact they were simply not
were small enough to sit sideways across the
arms whether their mother approved or not, visible to someone who did not know him
and she eventually learned to accept it at least,
and maybe thought that such passive destruc- well, as perhaps his son did, or perhaps not
tion of an old chair was better than active de-
struction of any chair and kids will be kids, as such a young age when maybe it is not so
nothing can be done or should be done about
that, best to let it be. He sat, or lay, in the chair, important to know one's parents at a personal
the television on but hardly acknowledged,
his thoughts rather on his new shoes, black level but when it is necessary to know them
Nikes, shoes being more important or more
interesting to a thirteen year old in 1991 per- as teachers and protectors and leave it at that
haps than whatever might be on the tv. The
black shoes however unimportant they may --spoke words remembered still, although the
have seemed or maybe should have been were
nevertheless necessary for the problem, if it reason is not 'so clear. '
can be called that, or occurrence, if it can not,
because occurrence was what it was because The reason for the words, "When I was your
no one lost or gained or fought or needed to age only street hoods wore black shoes," was
but still it was noteworthy enough to be re- not a mystery, only that the words are still
membered six years later, strange that some- important is cause for thought, of course it
thing which neither helped nor harmed could was true that only street hoods wore black
stay in the memory of a thirteen year old boy shoes then but now thirteen year olds trying
with so much else on his mind, inconsequen- to be cool perhaps on the same principle of
tial as such things may be to someone older, rebellion that was motivation then or perhaps
more experienced, perhaps too experienced to fashion or perhaps both because at that age
remember what it was like to be thirteen, the difference is not clear or not there and is
not necessary because both bring about the
same end but black shoes made a street hood
then but only a boy now, even a boy trying to
be a man and maybe glad that his father dis-
approved, knowing his father was not at fault
for how he grew up, nor Jon's grandparents
for helping him grow up that way and cer-
tainly not SOciety as a whole for producing
street hoods to wear black shoes and if no one
is at fault then everyone is at fault, Jonathan
included, and therefore no one can be blamed,
really, in all fairness, because there is no sig-
nificant different between everyone at fault
and no one at fault.
Now knowing why the words were said it
is left to wonder what significant they have,
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