Page 58 - YB1901

There is not the slightest doubt that man has descended from a monkey. The missing Link has been discovered in Henry Marshall Lankford. This hybrid entered the Sophomore class displaying all the exuberance of one suddenly receiving some great honor. Here he was immediately christened "chemical blonde," because his hair was an exact imitation of hemp strands. This specimen can scarcely be called civilized, because he is always playing the fool to attract the attention of certain young ladies and cause them to smile at his grotesque performances. He is blissfully ignorant of the real purport of their smiles, but regards them as an evidence of love. "Chern" soon fell violently in love with a young lady (his strikes are usually violent), and, while thus deeply infatuated, offered to sell his bicycle for two ceucs to buy flowers for her. When she" turned him down," he prayed that the Lord would restore her to him. His heart was soon healed only to be cut in twain by another blonde. Immediately his eyes became weak, and he began to wear glasses for the sole reason, as he informed his love, that she was wearing them. Things again became boister- ous, and after struggling bravely "Chern" found another who has since "mothered" him. At this point the class desires to return its thanks for the unmrrmrs good things he has given it to eat, and also to express its regrets that "the bread was scarce." It is always well to be on time. Harrison Stanford Martland comes early and goes away late. He came to Western Maryland College ages ago-in fact, he is a landmark in college history, and is a compendium for all information about graduates and quondam students f01"the last decade. This" baby" (he is the youngest in the class) began at the IOWl'st and crawled to the highest round in a college course after eight years of patient labor. Of Scotch descent, this thin-haired child met with only one serious disappointment in his whole life. This was the defeat of the Shamrock at the hands of the American yachtsmen. So intense was his interest, so loyal was his support, and so ardent were his praises of the challenger, that he has since been known as "Shammy." He once tried to show his manhood by helping to "smoke out" one of his classmates., but he did not consider the character of the tobacco, which had been espa/ally prepared for him. One