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a beard, a chin and mouth, nose-

Eyes. Those eyes, his eyes-David? Yes,David, oh G-d, I think
Iknow those eyes.

My eyes fuse with his. But I'm almost at the entrance, reach-
ing, my hands behind me- reaching-afraid to look away. His mouth
begins quivering, unsure of its own existence. A ripple of sound begins
to take shape and lurches toward me, the air filling particle by particle
with sound and my arm is reaching, reaching, almost there, swimming
in darkness and.I can't fucking listen to this, not again David, no, David,
not again, David! David-

And Ifall back on my ass. Ilook up and see sky.A clean, crisp
cornflower blue. No one is coming after me. Shit.

At least Ididn't drink, if there was anything to drink. But I
can drive now, no excuses. Ilook around and see that the chicken coop
road wasn't very long at all- and I'm able to get in my car, buckle up. I
call my sponsor.

Virgil says he's heard worse. Ican imagine. Clearly, Ican imag-
ine. But Istill have a hard time believing him. What could possibly be
worse than being lost in Virginia?

§

A gun may have been involved. It would be nice to think he
committed to something before he died.

§

I left Pam's still hungry. I Stop at a Dairy Queen, I think it's the
one I went to the other times I'd been to Virginia, but Ican't be sure. It
looks old enough, though. On the way back, it's getting dark. Idon't see
the deer.

Irefuel an hour away from home. While I'm waiting for my
tank to fill up, I call my mom. Tell her it was a nice service, that no one
started anything with me or made fun of my accent. That Diane's is
inherently worse because she is from Dundalk. We laugh, she's glad I'm
OK, that Idrove safe. She tells me Matt said that Ishould at least be
able to get away with one shot for being a good girl. We all know that's a
bad idea.

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