Page 136 - YB1968

The Trial I once walked for an afternoon, and wondered why the days of my life were all so much alike. But soon, the work was all I needed and my mind stopped its foolish wandering. then one evening, I called anyone for a date. and she accepted, but it soon faded into other any- ones. and I never really thought much about it. a few weeks ago, I watched four policemen carry this Negro into the police station. He was bleed- ing and almost unconscious. But he had a very tor- hued look on his face. and it did take a little while before I forgot that. then one morning, i awoke and everything was differ- ent. faces were new and cold, and no one gave me any straight answers. i thought perhaps, hopefully, maybe ... it was a dream just a dream and soon it would be over. But more cold images passed in front of my life. Not quite touching yet, but so close that my mind slowly began to recall all. the unanswered afternoon walk, questions, all the patterns that hide my insecurity, all the anyones- anyones who care for the brief battle that is so often the way we communicate with one another. and i prayed, "Jesus Christ," did I pray. and suddenly it dawned on me that my entire life had been spent in prayers for things. I wondered if perhaps there was another way. and i tried to just forget it all and do my work. and then i stopped to look at what I was doing. And then the phone rang, and i was yelled at, and people pushed me and shoved me, and everything started spinning around. faster, faster. so you understand why I'm here. here, in this room of reflecting black walls. Simple, cold furniture, the sounds of life that once slipt easily through my being-sounds that are now twisted and turned. give me that knife! give it to me. I need the knife, you'll hold it won't you? Please! Please! Plea .. 132